Originally Posted by
isinganyway 
I want to get better but it's really hard to deal with my feelings... any suggestions?
It's in not dealing with our feelings, or not
wanting to, that creates much of our emotional (and then physical) landscape. Drinking was one way of avoiding dealing with feelings. When we take away our coping mechanisms, those feelings are still there, now we can't medicate ourselves away from them.
If you're not hitting meetings, are toughing it out at grad school and bottling things up (no therapy you mentioned), then something is going to give eventually. What do you think the first thing will be? Working the program of AA (you mentioned meetings, assumed you're in AA), getting a sponsor, balancing your life, seeing your therapist...these will not only keep you busy (bye bye boredom!) but you'll start to deal with all the deadwood kicking around. With that deadwood gone, you have more space in you to fill with positive things. That has been my experience in my sobriety.
It's out there for you. I didn't need a pink cloud to keep me afloat - I just needed to do some action.
