I'm going to go against the trend. I don't think you have to choose a course of action and commit to it Liz. Continue to do your own work, continue to find your boundaries and hold them - be true to yourself, make choices that are right for you today - and if that is different tomorrow than so be it. Make a different choice tomorrow.
IMO, if you can't commit to either choice right now that is OK. Do not take any choice off the table. Just keep moving forward, doing the next right thing. It will not be easy but nothing is. It is true that making no choice at all is sometimes a choice of its own so work on not being afraid of the options in front of you so that you have the personal freedom to do what is in your best interest.
It is my experience that when I put my choice before the other stuff, I completely lost myself. That is what brought me to my bottom and here to SR. It obliterated clarity and created so much internal confusion. I chose to commit. I took all but one option off the table. I made my bed and I accepted it. I had sex when I did not want to because I chose to stay and that is the expectation in a marriage. I turned my head to all the things I did not like or want to see because I was choosing to stay. Everything got worse. I cried in the shower almost every day. I cried through sex. I hid in my own house. Resentment and bitterness swallowed me. My health suffered. My blood pressure went sky high. I had a host of physical reactions to the stress. I was depressed and flat and disappearing. My children suffered. Years of that - I just wasn't here at SR until I hit bottom. It was awful and so dark. That is where committing without doing the work first got me.
My ex was not a bad man. He didn't hurt me, cheat on me, yell at me, or even argue with me much. The question isn't so much about your ah and what he is doing or not doing - it is a lot about you, what you need, and how are you going to get that need met.
Sending you strength and wishes for a good week.