I was your age when I realized I had a problem. It rocked my world. But I still refused to go to regular AA meetings. They made me uncomfortable and didn't seem helpful. I didn't enjoy socializing either. I've always been a loner and shy. After 10 more years of drinking (almost) and so much wreckage you would not believe from such a good Christian professional gal like me! How could it be? Alcohol is what almost ruined my life. Such a nightmare.
I hope you'll read some stories about where alcoholism can take you and pray (yes pray even if you don't believe in prayer) that you will "see" how much alcohol has affected your life currently. It's affected it more than you even know right now. Pray to nothing. Just do it however silly you feel and keep doing it until something happens. Something will happen if you are quiet and sincere. Days? Weeks? Possibly. It's sometimes instant. It'll be a shift.
Start with that because atheists, agnostics and religious people use this in AA. Don't try to figure out anything long-term. Get to a recovery meeting. Get some coffee and listen. Really try to hear one thing that makes sense. Ask for at least one person's number. People love it when you ask so do not be shy. Ask for a "Big Book." Go home and read some of the stories in the back and read Chapter 2. Read page 86-87 every morning.
Read all you can on your disease because it's a gift. A true gift. Pain brings change. And a change in your life is what you will see whether you continue to drink or get into recovery.
10 years from now you will not be the same. You're an addict and will go through drastic change whether alcoholism brings you to your knees and it may and/or you're in recovery. Recovery will change your marriage positively, your parenting, your career, your self esteem and peace in your life. You will truly be a good man as you wanted to be.
I wish you the best. I hope you will be able, in time, view this affliction as a growth opportunity and a gift to have a new and better life. Because it is both those things.
