Liz,
I think you have probably learned all that you need to about forgiveness. Maybe you can't forgive....because you shouldn't. Maybe you have to actually remove yourself from the constant hurt and actually heal before you can forgive. Maybe your gut, your soul, your instincts, your innner compass.....whatever it is ....is not letting you forgive because what hurt you (and continues to hurt you) is still right there in front of you.
Forgiving him may change you .....but it won't change him.
I think you've learned all you need to ...I think you've examined all the pieces and you are doing all the right work. It's just a matter of when it is going to "click" or fall into place.
Sending hugs,
MamaKit