1tiredchick

Three months since I sent this poem to share or even checked in. It's been 10 months since my AH walked out. I have been thru the many phases we family go thru. Life is leaning toward normal again, the sun is a bit warmer and colors are a bit brighter. I don't cry anymore. I can laugh again, I can sleep again, I can plan a future without him in it... and I can be at peace knowing I did the best I knew how. A clear conscience makes a soft pillow. He is still drinking I've heard from others. I had read here somewhere that they always come back. Sure enough, about 3 weeks ago he called. Left a message on my work phone late one night... exact words "was hoping enough time had gone by that I could call and see how you are doing. If you want to call me that's fine but if not I understand. Bye" After he walked out and turned his back on me with no word for 10 months, suddenly he wants to know how I am? I'm thinking, well, it's tax season, he's on unemployment, and he has no job so he's either broke or drunk or both. I didn't buy it and I didn't call. It didn't upset my newly established apple cart as much as I figured it would... but after 3 weeks of thinking about it, I wrote him a short note and mailed it. I told him not to call me ever again unless he had something very important to say (such as his mother's death) and that I was doing good and hoped he was and that it made no difference how my heart felt, I would not watch him drink himself to death and I would not ever go back to the prison we lived in for 10 years. I said I hoped he would get his life straight one day and I wished him the best but to please not expect to ever be able to contact me unless it's an emergency. I HOPE I did the right thing. I just said the truth. I have not heard from him since then. I haven't dated or anything because I haven't wanted to, but come April I plan to file for divorce. Hoping I will not always be alone but also learning to enjoy my time alone! Things DO get better... and one day you get thru a whole day and realize "hey, I haven't thought about him all day!" and you catch yourself laughing again, relaxing again, and getting to know the REAL lady you used to be, and still are. I'm getting there. Thanks to all of you and God bless you in whatever situation you're in.