Point blank, I ironically drank to be well...
I think most of us did that - whether we were self medicating, or drinking for boredom, or just to 'feel good' or whatever else.
I don't really think you're as different as you might think RQ...but if you feel SR's not helping, I think thats a shame, but that's absolutely your call - do find something that does help tho...
Above all, don't let your addiction convince you that you can't do anything or think about this...it would like that very much.
Like all of us, you're worth fighting for
D