Some great advise here thanks! She doesn't like to read or even talk about anything even slightly uncomfortable. I am afraid to see if she would be receptive to SR as she knows the nickname I use and might find some of the things I have written very hurtful as I have been pretty honest during my relapse and recovery about what is going on at home. Knowing her as well as I do, however I don't beleive she would even consider coming here and reading anything.
She did say last night that if he tests dirty on the 16 then he will have to leave. I guess I'll just kind of sit back and let things ride for a bit and see how she handles things on the 16th when he does test dirty.
I think I may try the al-anon thing, I doubt that she will go, but all my friends in AA say the same thing... Get to al-anon. The last time we went to counseling the tharapist wanted to meet with her for a few weeks and then bring me back into the equation. She freaked out stating I was the one with all the problems and how dare that lady think she had any issues... That was the end of that...
So I don't really know what to do at this point, but I have pretty much decided that its probably not worth getting divorced even if I need to roll over a bit until things cool down some and her and I can at least start to come to grips with our communication issues.
Thank you all for your kind words and support... This is a very tough situation for the entire family. Last night my middle son was upset because his older brother had stolen about half of his pain medication (he has some back issues). I told him to hide them, but he gave them to his mom and over the weekend my oldest went through her purse and stole half of them. Just more drama on top of drama.
Thanks again for any advise you can provide...