Originally Posted by
EnnuiStasis 
Well, after much prayer I broached the subject of my husband's alcohol habit/addiction to him this evening. (Even though the doctor had told me to wait and let them talk first.) We talked a couple of hours, and I found out this has been going on almost 38 years--since he could legally drink.
He actually thanked me for caring enough to notice, be concerned and talk to him about it. And he's going to talk to our doctor about how to get sober safely. (He said he would just go cold turkey, but after finding out how long this has been going on I asked him not to ~ there could be serious health risks.) His grandfather was a "sloppy" alcoholic and both brothers are pretty serious alcoholics as well. His reasoning for the tight grip he's kept on this--limiting the hours, being so careful etc. are somewhat due to how he remembers his grandfather, and fear of things getting as bad & out of control as it is with his older brothers.
I was scared to death and really expected a lot of denial and some backlash, but there was none of that. It was grace infused. Very. (When I tried to talk to him about his drinking a few years ago he was VERY defensive and it went badly with hurt feelings on both sides.)
I know this is just a start... but at least it IS a start.
I SO appreciate all the insight, wisdom and support shared here. It's been incredibly helpful for me and helped me make this tiny step forward.
You were very wise to suggest he not stop cold turkey. This is absolutely critical to understand. If a heroine addict goes cold turkey they may want to die but with alcohol it can kill you. My wife had a seizure and heart attack at 35 when she tried to go cold turkey and she was very healthy and fit other than the alcohol issues.
It sounds like he knows what the disease looks like but perhaps not what to do. If he reamins open to discussing it reasonably and wants help then I heard a good thing from a rehab counselor - AA is great support but someone needs treatment FIRST. If we had it to do over again we'd have gone that route.
What can you do? With an alcoholic who does not want to quit there ain't a damned thing. With one who does... I can only speak to our marriage but my wife is very thankful that I see alcoholism for what it is - a disease - and not a character flaw or lack of discipline.
As others have said, try to stay level if he resists rehab or treatment.... that addictive voice is very powerful and when it sees y'all cutting off it's lifeline it will sometimes scream bloody murder and fight like hell to keep a door cracked or window unlocked so it has a way to get to alcohol. He knows it is a problem and wants to deal with it... NOTHING happens before that so this is a huge step. Expect a two-steps forward, one step back progression. You don't undo a 30 year habit in 30 days... more like 30 months.
Progress, not perfection.... those are words that keep me sane (ish)