For many years my husband enabled our son, starting when our son was a young teenager. I thought our son was heading down a dangerous path, my husband didn't. Fast forward ten years and our son became a heroin addict.
When our son was ordered to rehab, my husband insisted he move back home with us after rehab. I knew we needed an outside source to help us navigate the days ahead so I found a counselor. The people here on this forum also have lots to offer in the way of their experiences.
The best thing that happened was when our son moved out. Until that day he didn't take responsibility for himself. I think so often adult children living at home are stunted emotionally. As parents it is hard to enforce limits.
I hope you can sort out your situation. It is a difficult place for a couple to be when they are not on the same page.