Wifi

Hi,

Just a bit of background... I have been sober for most of my adult life with a few slips mixed in (one just recently). I think I could probably count on my hands the number of times my kids have witnessed me under the influence (alcohol is my issue by the way)...

Anyhow a couple months ago my 20 year old son got violent and was put on a 72 hour mental hold. At the request of my wife I went and visited him and told him basically that he wasn't welcome in our home unless some drastic changes were made. He agreed to all kinds of things, including going to AA meetings with me even though his DOC is marijuana.

When my wife and I went and picked him up, he admitted to her that he had been a drug addict for 5 years and has pretty much done everything except heroin. He was hospitalized while coming off meth by the way.

Anyhow things went well for about 2 weeks. Then he was right back to his old self. I told him that if he was using drugs he had to leave. My wife had a hard time with this but she supported my decision and we kicked him out of the house.

After less than two weeks he had his Mom (my wife) convinced that he was no longer using drugs and would agree to all my terms if he could come back home. Drug tests, get a job, etc...

He had a really bad attitude with me while we were discussing the rules and I told him he might as well leave. My wife got involved and said he is not leaving!

So we tested him and he came up positive for marijuana and benzo's (xanex that my wife had apparantly given him).

That was on Jan 16th. I basically told him he needed to have a job and test clean in 30 days. Since then I have smelled marijuana coming out of his room and I know for a fact he is still using and will test positive on the 16th when we retest him.

All he does is smoke pot, go to porn sites and play world of war craft. He hasn't been able to sustain a real job for any period of time.

My wife is totally enabling him. Today she let him use her (our) creditcard to renew his world of warcraft account. Because I monitor his computer usage and our account I called my wife. She stated he helped me clean the barn. Now keep in mind I pay for his car, insurance, phone. Part of the deal was that he would help around the house until he found a job. I find her giving him money so he can vegitate online totally out of line.

On the 16th her and I are going to go at it because I know she is not going to want me to kick him out of the house. Everyone I've talked to agree I am doing the right thing with the "tough love", except her.

Sorry for the long rant but I don't know what to do. I am ready to leave her because I just can't take it any longer. It almost seems like she cares about him more than me and if she has anything to say about it she will enable him (using my income) forever. She does not work, so if I leave we will certainly lose the house. The problem is I have two other boys and if I just up and leave we will lose everything, etc, etc so now it feels like I am being backed into a corner because it's a lose lose situation.

If it wasn't for him my wife and I wouldn't have many issues. We have been together for 26 years and married for 21.

Any advise would be appreciated...