I really do not want to go but I wonder if I don't I will always regret it. His family totally took him over and I am agonising over whether he did really love me at the end because of what they have said. I know really that it was the toxins getting to his brain that were talking really and we had 8 lovely (when he wasn't drinking) years together so there is no need for me to put myself through this when I am still recovering from surgery myself. I do thank everyone for their replies which are helpful and sorry not to have replied to each one but my broadband connection is not too good tonight. I am worried I will start drinking excessively too so will appreciate help in future days as I know he was worried that might happen when he passed on. He really was so brave in the end. Even though he was an alcoholic I was proud of him and proud to be his partner.