Originally Posted by Audrey1

It's extremely important to me, and to our relationship, that he isn't drinking (at the very least). I realise there's nothing I can do to stop it if it starts, or even before it starts, but I guess I just don't want to feel like a fool again if it has and I don't realise... or to suffer any sudden heartache. Not sure if that makes sense. When he used to drink, I often caught him having sneaky shots with friends, or beers in the backyard. He hadn't quit, but he would have insisted he had finished for the day, or wasn't going to drink that particular day... whatever. Just promises he pulled out of thin air. Perhaps you can understand the hurt and embarrassment I felt when I would catch him, only to have him crack jokes about me being a nagging b*tch and him being a naughty boy with his mates, who saw no problem with his drinking, and still don't. I became the butt of their jokes, and the silly little lady they would laugh and plead to on his behalf to not get upset. I faced this time and time again. It was a running joke for them. And I would go home with him and face the behind-closed-doors nightmare while they slept peacefully. My humiliation continues every time we see certain friends and his family who act like I'm the reason he quit, and that I'm just a ball breaker. That this is just a phase. The word abuse doesn't ring true with them.

So thanks, Pohsfriend. You're right. Sober Recovery is literally all I have. I don't even have the support of his family as most of them are alcoholics themselves and only a couple speak English, and most of our friends don't really see his drinking as a problem. I am reading Codependent No More, but I've got a lot on my shoulders to deal with alone.