Ziggy B- I am glad I could be of some assistance-you certainly have been to me since I started coming here. I think that all we do try to do is love, and help, and be there, and when we are blamed so blatently for this, when they turn that positivity into negativity, it really shakes us to our core. I know I felt profoundly ashamed, and still do, sometimes, for a mere character defect that simply got out of control, and was turned against me as representing how "sick" I was, when the real sickness was the alcoholism and the subsequent anger and resentment directed at me because I could still feel these things, and he could not. I seriously believe that part of his anger at me was because I dared to love him when he couldn't love himself, and I dared to begin to grow when he could not. I still have obsessive thoughts about him and his new wife, a year and a half later, so I am not perfect by any means. But I am trying to focus on my issues and to be as honest as I can about them, which is something the A, as long as he is drinking, will never do. I continue to sometimes have "fantasy" thinking about how great their life must be. But as someone else on this site advised me- "Adddiction is a cover-up".