You have come to the right place! Dude, I am 93 days sober but 93 days ago, I was exactly in the same boat. So hungover, but not even hungover because I stopped getting hangovers...I just drank all the time. I was miserable. I had tried AA in the past but never stuck with it. I was SO NERVOUS about going to a meeting but I was also SO SICK of being so sick and tired. So, I made a committment to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and to get a sponsor - neither of which I had done before because I always tried to do it my way, and each and everytime, my alcoholism got worse.
I found a meeting. I was shaking like a leaf going into the meeting. I cried when it was my turn to talk. But I did it. They were welcoming and nice. The next day, I found another one and felt the same way. Scared. Anxious. Frightened. I went to a different meeting every day that first week to get a feel for what I liked/didn't like. It was nerve-racking. BUT, in the course of a week or two, familiar faces started showing up. I grew some balls and asked for a sponsor after about 3 weeks. She said yes. I just completed 90 days and 90 meetings and could not feel any better.
I think back to day 1 and man, it sucked. I feel your pain like it was me yesterday. But, the fact is, AA has worked for millions of people. You can't do this alone. I don't know how or why, but it is working for me. It's like medicine daily. I have found prayer again. A higher power. I don't recognize myself today. But for once, I feel like I've accomplished something. I feel proud and honest. There were a million times I couldn't said I went to a meeting and didn't go - but that would be lying to myself and I was so good at that, especially when drinking. SO, I got honest and did it.
Try it. I am the girl who didn't believe and now I do. It's hard in the beginning but the results are so worth while. I lost a job, severed a relationship, but I'm still sober and I definitely don't want to go back to my old ways, so I'm going to keep doing what I am doing because it is working.
Do yourself a favor and try it. Commit to something. Say you will go to a meeting everyday for 2 weeks. Try different ones. You will like some and not like others. But give it time. You gave drinking alot of time - this is the substitute. You will be amazed, trust me!
Good luck and please feel free to message me if you need support or have questions. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!