Said

Broken Rose- I am so sorry for your hurt, I, like many others here experienced the horrible pain of the replacement gf. But since I have been coming to this site, I have started to recognize a pattern-gf starts to get healthier and starts taking back her power by refusing poor treatment, etc. and A makes a run for it, blames everything on her because they are unable to take respnsibility themselves, and then finds a new woman who will tolerate their behavior, and the pattern starts all over again. I think I, like many of us here, have some amount of codependant tendencies, and therefore we take on the blame and shaming that the A bestows on us simply because we cared and tried to be there for someone who could never do the same. And yes, we are part of the issue. But we are by NO MEANS the whole reason the relationship failed, and we merely need to take a look at ourselves to determine our involvement and how not to repeat it. This is something the A does not do, therefore, when things get tough, the tough get going-to another relationship, and another,and another. It doesn't matter who with- as long as they go along with the program (keep them from lonliness, allow them to drink). In this way, we are not special-to the A-because the most special thing to them is the substance-but we are all special in our own ways, and we need to recognize that and cherish it about ourselves, and never let someone else become more important to us than ourselves. I am writing this as much to myself as to you, because it is hard, even if you know it intellectually, to accept it emotionally. Al-Anon has helped me a great deal. You can do this-you will do this. Hugs.