Originally Posted by
Erika1968 
Hey Ziggy
Like you, I am also having a very hard time letting go. I started spending time with a new man (just as friends for now). He's very healthy and kind, and consequently bores me to tears. I am now wondering if I would even love my exabf as a sober man. Obviously, his volatility and ability to take me or leave me is a big turn on. There's a part of me that wants to be treated cruelly, and craves the pain. Otherwise, I think I'd have an easier time walking away.
So even though I acted like a pathetic fool yesterday, I think something good may have come of it. I'm realizing where my responsibility lies in all of this.*
*
Erika,
I spent some time with a man today who does not drink much at all and we had a terrific day. I am kind of liking the feeling of not walking on eggshells wondering when I am going to get screamed at.
You might need to do some work in therapy to find out why you like people who treat you badly. I have done plenty of the same thing myself but I don't want to be that person any longer.
((hugs))
ziggyb