Recovery is like a spider web. Each day you work your recovery program you have to spin a new part to the web. It does not look like any other part. Always remember that, and you will seek newness in recovery each day. Having time in sobriety means you must have an open mind, including how you look at things you do and think. Getting into a groove or rut in recovery ultimately leads you off the pavement and down the dirt road to disaster.
Most of that journey takes place in your subconscious, and only the end result is in the conscious mind. That is why we need to not only have a recovery plan but a safety plan that is automatic, in the event we start thinking about using or drinking and the reward center in our brain starts to take over our internal conversation. Sober people who support us in our recovery. Things we do that therapeutically put our minds in a good place. External indicators of how we are doing - "the Barometers of the Mind", to borrow a phrase from one author.
Ask yourself why it was important to take that drink or drug when you relapsed after 10 years. Not what was happening in your world but what you felt was the internal driving force behind the behavior after all that time. Yes, it would be nice to drink like the normies. But why was drinking (or using) so important that you gave up ten years' sobriety to do it?
Welcome back. Glad you are with us.
:hello2