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Old 11-24-2004, 08:23 PM
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Not sure what I'm looking for...

I have been sober for 1wk and 3 days. YEAH!! But I'm just having some anxiety about tomorrow. I work in a restaurant/ bar and we are having a pot luck for turkey day and of course there is an open bar. Damn! The people I work with are the hardest ones to hang out with since I've sobered up.
I dont want to sound like a baby. I do know I don't have to drink. I am so hard headed. You think I would have learned it before. I had 10 yrs clean, then for some stupid reason thought I'd be able to drink cause I have never drank. I learned in 2 years what it took me many years to learn the first time around. An addict is an alcoholic. A drug is a drug. It's all the same. It's all bad. I'm scared for tomorrow but I have plans to meet a friend in recovery tomorrow night.
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Old 11-24-2004, 08:31 PM
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By meeting with a fellow person in recovery afterwards you have done yourself a favour. Limit your time at the work event and keep in mind your time with your friend afterwards and that should help. Being afraid is a good sign. We addicts should always be afraid when we are near our poison. Fear of alcohol is a good thing. Remember to play the tape to the end should you be tempted. I'll say a prayer for you.
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Old 11-24-2004, 09:06 PM
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Hello Firegirl! congrads on your 10 days!
I finally realized (in the past hopefully) that returning to drinking, no matter how long the layoff was, the results were always the same, and very very predictable.
I'm going to make this holiday season special,,, by remembering it .
TC mike
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Old 11-24-2004, 09:21 PM
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Right On!!! ten days is a great start.
you really only need to make brief visit to your party, no need to put your sobriety in jepordy.
blessings and prayers for us all this holiday season.
glad you have plans to meet a friend in recovery.
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Old 11-24-2004, 09:54 PM
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Recovery is like a spider web. Each day you work your recovery program you have to spin a new part to the web. It does not look like any other part. Always remember that, and you will seek newness in recovery each day. Having time in sobriety means you must have an open mind, including how you look at things you do and think. Getting into a groove or rut in recovery ultimately leads you off the pavement and down the dirt road to disaster.

Most of that journey takes place in your subconscious, and only the end result is in the conscious mind. That is why we need to not only have a recovery plan but a safety plan that is automatic, in the event we start thinking about using or drinking and the reward center in our brain starts to take over our internal conversation. Sober people who support us in our recovery. Things we do that therapeutically put our minds in a good place. External indicators of how we are doing - "the Barometers of the Mind", to borrow a phrase from one author.

Ask yourself why it was important to take that drink or drug when you relapsed after 10 years. Not what was happening in your world but what you felt was the internal driving force behind the behavior after all that time. Yes, it would be nice to drink like the normies. But why was drinking (or using) so important that you gave up ten years' sobriety to do it?

Welcome back. Glad you are with us.

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Old 11-25-2004, 08:11 AM
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Thanks for responding. I am very happy to be back. I will only make it a brief visit today so I will be safe. I will think it through and knowing I will see my friend later is going to help. Fuster, you have given me something to think about. I was in a big rut at the time I relapsed. I need to figure out why I was willing to give it all up after so long. Think I just forgot, got lost somehow. Lost myself. Well, I'm back and thanks to all of you for making me feel welcome.
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Old 11-25-2004, 12:01 PM
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Firegirl, you can make this time better. I can tell.

There is a movie I have seen, it is not about recovery but the analogy to what I was saying is in this movie, in a great story. The movie has Al Pacino, Hillary Swank and Robin Williams, and I think it is called "Insomnia". Anyhow, it is a great story with first class acting, and the main line that is said in the early parts of the movie and then again right at the end to make a point, is don't compromise your own principles or ethics or "you will lose your way". What I feel happens when we veer off our main path in recovery.

(And if you ever have had anxiety keep you from sleeping, you will empathize with Al Pacino in the movie.)
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Old 11-25-2004, 02:51 PM
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Firegirl. I know how you feel, I work in a restaurant and everyone loves to party...it is really hard. I have only been sober 2 months and the holiday season is upon us. I don't have the strength to go to parties yet. Good Luck, just make sure you can GET OUT FAST if you feel you can't handle it.
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Old 11-25-2004, 05:49 PM
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Well, I am happy to say I made it. Another day. YEAH! It was rough at the restaurant. Alcohol was everywhere. I sat with a friend from work who is trying to quit drinking too, much to my surprise. It was cool, we told everyone we were trying sobriety. They all laughed. Anyway, I'm glad I made it. Now I'm just full and tired.. too much turkey.
Fuster, I'm gonna check out that movie.
Thanks to all of you for being here.
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Old 11-25-2004, 05:58 PM
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Firegirl

You'll be OK. Just stay strong. If you've been along to AA in the past, you'll be familiar with the "I NEED HELP HERE AND NOW" scenario!!

God grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

It works!

Weary

Nice to see another Brit here. My fiancee comes from Harrogate. We're spending Christmas in Scotland and New Year in the Harrogate and York area. You'll recognise me, because I'll be the one staying sober but having a great time in the process.

Rich
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