I am on day 6 with no drinking AT ALL. I'm 47 years old and the only other time I (pretty much) totally stopped was when I was the two times I was pregnant.
Anyway, after all the years (and a cousin dying a horrible Picture of Dorian Gray-style death from Cirrhosis) and seeing health issues in myself I know I must stop. I don't want to die young on my kids like so many people in my family have. I want to have mental clarity EVERY SINGLE DAY!
So anyway, here's my point. These past six days, everyday, I have been crying. I feel like I am breaking up with a good friend. Now my hands are shaking as I type this. I often inwardly scream at myself, "What is WRONG with YOU!?" Has anyone else every felt like this??? This is what scares me that I won't be able to stay stopped. I really do feel like I have a monster inside of me that won't let me go. How do I kill it once and for all? I think it is going to be a slow and painful death, huh?
P.S. My own personal struggle these past few years has made me realize why some of my relatives could not stop their addictions, and while it made me empathetic to their plight, it has also terrified me because I see myself in them.
Boy that felt good to get that out!
Trixie <---- Merely sniffling now
