To the OP, I think you've hit on something really key here: abstinence is not sobriety. Simply "not drinking" probably isn't going to cut it. Not drinking doesn't resolve any of the issues we had before we drank. A huge part of sobriety for me was growing up. I personally could not do this while living as an adult with my parents (obviously everyone's situation is different). I couldn't rely on externals to make me happy or to keep me "on track". I had to be happy with myself. I had to learn to be responsible for myself. I learned how to do that in AA, but there are many paths to sobriety. There are a lot of people on here that do secular recovery programs, therapy, behavior modification, or no particular program at all.
If I'm only trustworthy and responsible when my parents are watching me, then I'm not really trustworthy or responsible. Character is who we are and what we do when no one is looking.
And sobriety is definitely worth it!