Originally Posted by
farfaraway 
I also struggle with keeping in contact or not. Every time I speak to my family it leaves me feeling bad about myself. And I also have relatives who think I am wrong for not contacting my family as much as they think I should. I have no contact at all with my drug addict sister. The family thinks that is very harsh.
But they are all miserable and I am happy!
Thanks for sharing your perspective farfaraway. Do you think you would cut contact completely with your mother if it weren't for the pressure from your family? I understand about the family pressure, and the general pressure from society. It's tough when people ask about my parents. I usually just say that we are not very close, and most people leave it alone.
Thanks for the encouragement in staying out of contact. I agree it's the right thing. Like you, I always felt awful after interactions with my mother. I even feel that way after interactions with most everyone from my family of origin, so I avoid seeing / talking to everyone else as much as possible too.
P.S. I am really glad to hear you say that you are happy
Originally Posted by
dollydo My mother is the "A" in my life, she is an alcoholic, been drinking daily (manhattans, lots of them) for 66 years. She is abusive, nasty and a big time manipulator. When I was a child, she was both verbally & physically abusive.
I am no contact with her, yet again, this is the third time in my adult life, once for 10 years, the
happiest and most peaceful years of my life.
Some people are just toxic, my mother is one of them. There is nothing that can be done with her, the only person in the family who still talks to her is my brother, her favorite...although he
only talks to her when he has to...she has recently started to turn ugly on him.
IMO, you are doing the right thing for your family...it is difficult at first, however, as time goes by, you regain you, your peace & happiness and it becomes much easier.
We are here for you!
Dollydo, thank you for your kind words and support! It's crazy that our lives are more peaceful and happy without our moms than with them. Thanks for the encouragement. I think you're right that it's better for me not to contact my mom. I would never let her into my kids' lives, but I am pretty sure that if she were in my life, even on a limited basis, that it would affect me negatively in a big way, and I fear that it would in turn ripple out and affect my husband and children.
Originally Posted by
Kialua You are doing the right thing with your kids, not letting them go to your Mom. I know I had to do the same thing. I never once let my kid go to my parents. Not once.
It does seem final now but you can send cards and when you want you could Facetime and talk and let her see the kids. But that is your total control. If she gets creepy about guns and control you can just say, "Gotta run, talk to you later."
Enjoy your move, it will be a whole new life.
Thanks Kialua! I agree with you 100% about the kids. When my oldest was born, my mom was coming over every day (driving me nuts). It became clear pretty quickly that she was incapable of having a healthy relationship with her grandchild. She was really pushy about wanting me to leave my daughter with her, and I finally had to tell her that it wasn't going to happen. I thought I could manage her with my daughter through setting boundaries, but like dollydo said, some people are just toxic and there is nothing that can be done with them.
What do you tell your kids about your mom? Mine are still pretty young and haven't asked any questions. I doubt that it will ever be a very big deal to them, especially since we are moving to where their other grandparents, who they have a very strong bond with, live. But I still feel kind of anxious about what to tell them whenever the question about my mom's whereabouts arises.