Originally Posted by teapot

HI, everyone. just joined yesterday. i will make my story short but i need to say some details so you know where i am. 39yrs old and never had a drug problem. married, father of 2 young ones. full time job. just regular joe. i barely even had a beer maybe once a month. anyways person on cell phone ran a stop sign and blew into me. ruptured l4 l5 and s1. in cleveland clinic care for 4 mth outpatient. in those 4 mths i was put on pain killers. after realeased they put me right down the hall to their pain managment clinic. so i go and for another 4 mths on stronger pain killers. got tired of driving up there so i switched to a pain doctor locally. he immediately increased my dose. so now its 3 months of him and i am convinced he is a total quack. i here him causing out patients. he swears in the hallway. i forgot my bottle once and he said quote, forget your bottle again and im kicking your ****** ass outta here. im not making this up. so i decided im not going back to this guy. so i decided to stop the meds and see how my back reacted. dont laugh but i had no idea about withdrawal. didnt even know i was dependent. well after a day he hit me hard. i was like what the heck. i served in the Marine Corps and that was the roughest crap ever. i was able to hack most of it but my legs wouldnt stop kicking. i mean 9 hours staight. so i gave in and got back on the pills and went back to the quack. i really feel like i was just some poor schmuck who wasnt on any drugs at all that got in an accident and now here i am in hell. i am sick of these pills. i feel guilty taken em. i need to take em to get out of bed. my kids are 6 and 3. i am currently on 240 percocet 10mg and 180 roxicodone 15mg per month. i dont know what im even looking for here but i have to start somewhere and figure out how to get outta this. also have i permenently damaged my brain to produce happiness in the future if i ever get clean. thanks everyone for any response. truly