Originally Posted by
LoveMeNow 
Personally, I would be far less concerned with her actions and far more focused on my own personal boundaries and core values.
When I started to compromise my own values, it should have been a red flag. But my love and denial kept me going down a dangerous path. Today, I do not want any drug users (social or not) in my life. No, if, and, or buts about it!!
P.S. Welcome to SR
I think that's what I'm really trying to do by starting to read and ask questions from people who have been through situtations far worse than mine. I don't want drug use to have any place in my life or our relationship and that would be the case regardless of her past. At the same point, I'm not the type to pass a snap judgement about something I don't understand.
We are talking about moving in together and making some big changes to both our lives, all very positive things, before that happens I will make it very clear where I stand with this.
Originally Posted by
lightseeker You say that you trust her and her judgement but yet you are asking questions that make me wonder if you really do.
I'm not saying that you are wrong to do that...because what you are saying sounds like a slippery slope to me. It's important to hear that something in you is telling you that something is amiss.
I was married to a "recovering" addict so I definitely understand your concerns.
You're right, while I do trust her to tell me the truth, that doesn't mean the truth I hear makes me comfortable. I am not the over protective, controling type and never will be. We both need to live our lives even if we're together and it takes a special kind of trust.
If there is one thing I don't trust it's any persons judgement while impaired, be it booze or drugs. While I've never seen drug addiction first hand, I have seen alcoholism first hand and bad decisions lead to worse decisions.
Originally Posted by
EnglishGarden It is my understanding that people diagnosed with addictive disease should be completely abstinent from all mood-altering substances with addictive potential.
If she still hangs with drug users and still jumps in herself now and then and justifies that this is perfectly fine behavior for a recovering drug addict, I would ask myself why I am rationalizing and minimizing her behavior.
If she is in active addiction, there is no hope of a healthy relationship with her.
I agree. I know she's not in an active addition, of that I am certain. But in my opinioin, flirting with any drug is simply a poor decision on her part and it's something I won't accept.
I want to thank you all for your comments. I was hesitant to say the wrong things to her, to put pressure or pass judgement, but after reading your replies and several other threads on here, I now know that some things need to be said. I won't ever accept or trust "social" drug use and if we are going to be together, she needs to know what my expectations are and anything that compromises her recover simply won't work.