Hi! Welcome to SR.
I am a mother to a 32 yr. old son who has a bit over 3 years sober from opiate addiction. I know how hard it is and I know how much you are struggling.
As Kindeyes said, I hope you will start focusing on you. I know both AlAnon and NarAnon meetings saved my life. I found other parents dealing w/adult children addicts and their struggles w/rehab, jail, homelessness, etc. I also found many folks who were working the program of recovery from being consumed (addicted) to their children and learning to live their own lives and letting their adult children take care of themselves.