Originally Posted by
bunkie65 
Boundries (no contact), are for us, to preserve our sanity, our emotions, our spirits! They are removablem by us as we see fit! Stepping back for me is a way I get the guidance and direction I need to go for me, without the pulls and confusion an active addict carries with them where ever they go, what ever they say and do!
Prayers for you and your husband! Your doing so good! One day at a time right and just for today!
Hi Bunkie thank you for such wise words. What you say makes absolute sense. Everything you wrote resonates strongly with me. Just for the record - H is not my husband. It is the initial for his first name. But we have been in each others' lives for over 10 years...
Yes, this is it - finally getting my head and heart on the same page. I have finally reached that point of 'enough' ' I cant take this anymore'. That so much emotion was embroiled in mess, lies, confusion. I finally had enough where I accepted that every interaction with H over the past few months (well 99%) left me feeling either on a total high (completely false and unhealthy) or left me feeling bewildered, hurt, sad, confused - and always, always a nigging feeling in my gut. So for my own self preservation I have gone no contact.
I use to dwell on a future with H. I do pray for his recovery and I wish him well. But right now - as I sit here - I don't believe there is a chance for a healthy future. So I focus on MY future. And my son's future. I also finally got up the courage to go no contact - when it no longer took 'courage'. It was no longer a concept that made me uncomfortable. It is medicine for me - to heal. I have so many issues and can so easily be drawn back into H' world. I realised with an awful jolt that I use to spend so many hours thinking about H - and not getting on with my own life. I don't want to waste anymore precious hours. I THINK I am in that space too - that whatever happens to H - after rehab - that it is not my story anymore.
God bless you too!