In response to the first post in this thread...
"I noticed they seemed to have serenity but only achieved when or if the addicted love one had sobriety too. They would post positive encouraging posts but when their loved one relapsed, all their recovery did too. Or they had serenity if they had detached and/or had no contact from there addicted loved one. I see this a lot on the F&F of Alcoholics. "I am fine because they are" type posts and I would be so triggered. "
[QUOTE=LoveMeNow;3774669]
This part really touched me. Sometimes I feel like this. Like I will only be able to be happy and at peace when he achieves sobriety - not even when with me...just on his own. But the problem is that I am still tying my peace, my happiness, and my future to something beyond my control (even beyond his control). I want to be able to push a button and stop caring! But that isnt me. If he choses sobriety, it won't be because of me. It won't make me suddenly better either. My recovery is about me.
So what my codie voice is saying to me is... if you get better, who will help him? Who will care about him? To that I have to say....SOMEONE ELSE! If I spin my wheels trying to help those who will not be helped...what about me? I can only work on fixing me. Anything else is beyond my scope of abilities.