Like Hevyn, I too wish I'd kept a journal of those feelings and how I felt after "testing the waters" again.
Your post was so spot on, that I've saved it. I could have written that Paddler...so thank you.
I'm diligent with my sobriety...almost two years along and I will never stop appreciating where that first drink will take you.
I love my growth...I love my coffee, love my new grinder and I too love a sober sunrise.
You know what to do Paddler. Again, great post.