I think most active addicts words and actions are seen as manipulative because it's part of the disease, like lying.
I remember early on when I joined here......My husband sent me a dozen roses. I was repeatedly told how it was nothing more then manipulation. I couldn't see it, especially since that was not uncommon for him to do. Looking back, I think it was very manipulative! He had an agenda behind those flowers.....he wanted to come home but didn't want to change and the flowers were an attempt to get me to "soften."
I am sure H loves you and you are a huge gift. But I now keep in mind - love is a verb not a noun and actions speak louder the words. Right now, those are just words...only time will show you in his actions.
P.S. I valued the advice of people who have really worked hard on themselves. They helped me see what I could not. You are doing great. Just keep working on you and the clarity will come.