DaisyDoc, although it is hard, try not to put your energy on what an addicts is thinking or over analyzing. Trying to get inside my husbands mind, was a very dangerous place for me. It brought craziness to a whole new level.
He picked it out because he did. It is what it is! Nothing more, nothing less.
If you want some answers....google addiction and lizard brain. Warning - it is very disturbing!
Keeping you and your boyfriend in my prayers. May January 22nd be the first clean day of the rest of his life.