Ginger I've been very busy lately so I apologize for not giving a better response. Tonight my heart drove me here so I will take a second. First, I am in a better place. It that type of better that often feels worse, but I know its better. My one brother sees it all for what it is and we have spoken open and honestly. He explained to me that he was very angry, as I knew, but that he found a sense of security and a release of his past in his wife and children. He explained that the first time he looked at his oldest son, it all melted away for him. That was five years prior to the conversation so he feels pretty content it will stick. He's an amazing family man who adores his wife and three kids.
My other brother has taken the family unspoken motto of honor duty and guilt to the max. This is the one I was talking about. I don't believe he'll ever be open to it. However, I pray one of two things happens, either him and his wife have a child who helps to change him enough to open his eyes. Or that they don't have children at all. this may sound callous but I fear all he will do is continue the cycle.
Kailua, I would love to talk to my oldest brother, but only when he's ready, where he's at will only cause anguish for him when he battles between the lies he's told himself and his heart. And he's entirely too trained to listen to the lies over his heart. He has to get there on his own. it was comforting to hear her say he was making steps, and for his sake and selfishly my own I hope hr is.
Call me an idiot/optimist, sometimes it seems to feel like the same thing. But I hope someday my family will be free of my AM including my mother.