I completely agree Lexie. STBXAH is an alcoholic, and by the very nature of addiction, displays narcissistic tendencies. His lack of empathy worsened over time. Last spring was the true "high point" where I could be bawling and pleading for him to not leave me and he could sit there, completely stone faced with no reaction whatsoever, dead zombie eyes boring holes through me. Remembering that look on his face still haunts me.
STBXAH couldn't acknowledge how his actions affected others (namely, ME). It was really one of the core issues and what made me so miserable in my marriage; he would consistently do things that were disrespectful to me, and any argument from me, he treated me with disdain. I learned that talking about my feelings was a big no-no.
Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
I tend to think most alcoholics display narcissistic traits. That's part of the disease for most of us--we are pretty self-centered and tend not to let other people's pain get in the way of our addictions. That doesn't necessarily mean we are INNATELY that way. We are more narcissistic the way young children are, before they have learned to share, to treat other people the way they want to be treated, to think about how their actions affect others.
"It kinda kicked me a few months back when I read someone say that there therapist had said they did not wind up with an alcoholic by accident and that quite often an alcoholic's partner is 'sicker' than the alcoholic in some ways."
This caused a lump in my throat. Definitely something for me to think about. I mean, I know I am "sick" because I continue to choose addicts as partners. The difference between AH and me, however, is that I am no longer choosing to ignore my "sickness" and working on getting well.