Originally Posted by
LexieCat 
I tend to think most alcoholics display narcissistic traits. That's part of the disease for most of us--we are pretty self-centered and tend not to let other people's pain get in the way of our addictions. That doesn't necessarily mean we are INNATELY that way. We are more narcissistic the way young children are, before they have learned to share, to treat other people the way they want to be treated, to think about how their actions affect others.
Not very attractive in adults, but when it is attributable to alcoholism, the growing-up and awareness of others' feelings, can finally develop if we get sober. It takes work, though--and it's a big part of what the 12 Steps are intended to address.
Thanks for articulating that so perfectly. There is a huge difference between narcissistic behavior in the sense many people mean it and Narcissistic the way those who've experienced the special joy of life beneath the heel of a clinically narcissistic person.
Addicts often behave poorly - lies, manipulation, lack if consideration - when the addictive voice is driving the bus. Anything between them and that drink or pill or needle is an obstacle or source of fear. That's very, very, very different.
Someone with NPD, if forced to endure an hour on this site, would scoff at the 12 steps. When challenged they would read through your history not to understand your perspective but to find your obvious fears and insecurities so they could guess, probably very accurately, to find the exact response they needed to make you feel completely worthless, embarrassed, pathetic and ashamed. If you then said "hey - that really hurt, I didn't mean to offend you" they'd see the faint reflection of a contented smile on their face as they saw that they'd hit the mark.... Then they'd go one level deeper, just for satisfaction... Not fun, they are incapable of joy as we understand it.
It's conceivable that I'm not entirely my usual warm fuzzy self when this topic comes up.