Today I am struggling with this. I feel like I couldn't save her, not so much from a want to fix her, but to see someone whom I loved (and apparently still love) struggle and the feeling of helplessness that goes with it. To not be able to take away her pain. Today I'm not doing a very good job of feeling that I am powerless. I feel that I am helpless & the helplessness side is working me over pretty good right now.
It's very hard to walk away from someone when they are obviously very sick. Maybe I could've done X. I never tried Y. If I had done Z it would have reached them. Surely I could have sacrificed more of myself and when they found recovery we would be happy again, like we used to be, before alcoholism consumed her.
It's been a long time since I had to deal with the end of any relationship, but this one is pretty rough. All the potential, all the dreams that were dangled in front of me, getting just enough to keep my hope from completely failing, just enough to keep me hanging on only to find the next glimmer of hope only gives me enough to hang on some more. Never getting any more than that. But after being strung along that much, it becomes more bearable to "hang on". It becomes normal. Comfortable. Only when you fall of the rope do you see how miserable it really was.