LMNow, such honesty and clarity are great strides forward. Awareness is huge and opens the door to healing and growth on a deeper level.
Thanks for expressing it here and sharing this today. You write with directness and clear vision, out of denial and into the process. The blinders are off!
I'm a long time member of Al-Anon, continue in-depth work with sponsor and sponsoring. These things have enriched and saved my life and remain my life's work. I'm so glad I happened to open and read your post today. It gives me much needed encouragement to continue working the program despite my own slips.
Early on I heard someone in the program refer to the 3 A's: Awareness, Acceptance, Action. Each one leads into the next; the next A doesn't happen without the previous ones. The first one, Awareness, is key. Sometimes I have to stay in the gaining-awareness part for quite some time before I'm able to get Acceptance. Those two especially, lay the foundation for progress.
Saying "Bravo!" to you in your giant step forward and sending best wishes as you continue your journey with courage and open eyes....