Originally Posted by
Db1105 
I first came to believe that not drinking could restore me to sanity. The AA fellowship was a power greater than me and I saw it was working for others, so maybe it would work for me. I was another of the fake it to you make it people. Years later I still feel like I'm faking it, but I'm still sober.
I like in HOW IT WORKS where it says "We stood at the turning point". I have stood there often over the years. I literally stand there moment by moment. Sometimes in a 10th Step degree and sometimes in a 4th Step degree.
AA is a program of continuing growth (
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...16-2013-a.html ) and it's my choice when I get up in the morning and go through my day whether I try to grow or not. That requires a certain amount of "faking it" or at least "stepping out of the box" to reach for a closer relationship with my HP and fellow travelers. To go up , not sideways.
I have found that I have done the first half of Step1 perfectly (I haven't stuck the bottle in my mouth since July 18, 1989) but the rest of the 11 1/2 Steps require continuing practice and improvement if I want to take full opportunity of what is available in the program.
In the end it's for me, and all my practicing (drinking) life I let myself down more than anyone... except maybe God.
To focus on the "could" makes it sound like a crap shoot. I believe, as stated earlier "God "could" and "would" if He were sought" .
How often will I seek him ?? In the beginning it was just enough to get by. As I go along I realize that I am my own worst enemy and the more I seek the more I'll receive. I don't want to let myself down in this ... nor everyone I touch. We are all connected.
All the best.
Bob R