I truly understand the pain of thinking that when they were drunk the things they said drunk weren't really what they meant and then finding out later that they were hinting at their true thoughts. This isn't an easy thing to go through. You have put a lot of time and patience into your marriage and it is disappointing when a long term relationship ends. Crying is normal; especially when such a big change has occurred. I'm 6 weeks in and still have crying days sometimes - where I cry ALL day - (more for what I think I lost, more for the house, more for the things I left behind, not for the REAL him anymore). Relationships ending are just like mourning the death of a loved one. It all takes time, unfortunately the one who decides to end it, (imo) gets 'over it' far more quickly than the one who didn't see it coming. Please look at kubler-ross' 5 stages of grief, it helps you identify the things you are feeling. I am so sorry that this didn't end the way you thought it would, with both of you triumphant over his alcoholism. His ending your relationship is in no way a reflection of YOU. Alcoholism/addiction or not people change, people grow, and painfully people move on without us. My thoughts are with you today. May God (or your HP) bring you peace.