Angel1234

New here but not new to addiction. I’ve just spent over 2 years of my life with an addict. It’s been quite the roller coaster ride. I’m going to skip over so much but things were just as bad as what you’ve all experienced, just atrocious. After my ex got out of rehab a year ago, we worked on things only of course to have him start behaving like a classic addict, lying, manipulating, making me feel as I was wrong and crazy, on and on. I could write a book. I left him. We didn’t speak for months. I only have myself to blame for this but I reached out to him and wanted to make sure he was ok, apologize for what I owned in the relationship, etc. BAD MOVE.

I’m almost embarrassed to type all of this because I know I’m such a fool for going back but yes, I did and wow how quickly I fell back into the spell. We were only in contact for about three months but it seems like another 3 years! Of course through all of our history and the things that have happened, my family was not happy about my choice. They were all fearful when I told them we were dating again. Again, I’m going to sound stupid and I’m truly embarrassed but I really thought he was going to be ok and things were good for a few months. Then my god, did it all spiral fast. We had planned on going on vacation week before Xmas. A few nights before he was supposed to be at my home but of course didn’t come over and when I questioned him about it and got upset because we needed to plan for our trip, he lashed out (rage – typical), turned it around on me for being upset (projection – typical) and gave me the silent treatment (typical – I’m high). I thought of course maybe I was over reacting because he was Xmas shopping all day (probably lie.)We went on the trip and surprisingly it went wonderful.

Fast forward to two days before Xmas. He knew what I had to endure with my family. He knew I was sticking my neck out for him and hoping we could just have a “normal” family life. He and my sister were great friends in the past but she wanted nothing to do with him after the last few years. However, some of my family started to feel ok with it. He and I went out one night to a place walking distance from my family’s home. I asked him to meet me there, thinking my sister would be there later so it would break the ice. She didn’t end up coming because she was tired. The night was going well but he turned on me in a matter of seconds over nothing. He literally accused me of sleeping with some guy that made eye contact with me while we were there and stormed out! Seriously, I didn’t even talk to this person, look at this person, much less flirt or have sex with this person!!. It was crazy. I went to his house the next morning and literally he got up and yelled at me to get out of his house. This was Xmas Eve!! What the hell! Three days prior to that we were having a great time on vacation and now this? Later that day of course I’m angry and I said “well I guess the holidays are going to be ruined again.” He blocks my calls and texts and doesn’t talk to me through the entire day Xmas and Xmas Eve. I had to try and get a hold of him. Fast forward to New Years. Same craziness. We were supposed to visit a family member of mine who was ill (who he was grateful was ok with us being together who he had gone to see in the hospital and been sweet as can be the week before) and my old college friends invited us to dinner. He immediately said he didn’t want to go. Of course, again, I tell him I was upset and I get blocked. I figured he would take block off. My sister and brother in law and the two of us were going to spend time with friends on NYE. It was FINALLY in my mind going to be something that started to mend our relationship with my family accepting him. Oh no, I couldn’t get a hold of him. Of course, by this point I was beyond angry. I was livid. He actually went through the holiday without talking to me. I know he was there alone NYE night because I stopped by there and then the next morning he was there alone sleeping. Would rather prefer to sit there alone on holidays.

Mind you, this entire time off and on for a few weeks, he kept telling me that his gift to me was an iPad which he never by the way gave me even when we spoke after Xmas and I gave him his gifts. What kind of selfish as—hole doesn’t even get a gift for their girlfriend? The lie was that he opened it to use at work and bought me another one. Really? So the last argument and final one was when I told him I bought myself an ipad. I needed one for work. After seeing him several times and having him never give it to me, I assumed it was a lie. OF course, the rage started that I did it to prove a point, blab la bla, rage, rage, more rage. Then the silent treatment. I finally just snapped. I told him every horrible thing about his behavior, how horrible of a person he was behaving like, etc.

He begged and pleaded for me to talk to him. I mean BEGGED, the I love you and I want to explain everything, why I’m afraid, etc. This went on all week. I finally caved and called him Friday. He knew I was on my way to my family members home who had cancer and was dying. On my way, he kept begging me to call when she went to bed so he can explain why he was so afraid, on and on. So, I call around 10pm. Of course no answer. This is after begging me all evening to call and texting me back and forth until 9. Then 10 rolls around and nothing. The next morning I call and same thing. By mid day of course I was really angry again and irritated. I get a response later in the day going into GREAT DETAIL about how sick he was, that he was coming down with something horrible, that he can’t afford to get the flu now with so much going on at work. I stop by the next morning after he told me that his dad took him to urgent care and got him some antibiotics. He was texting me all night the night before that he was at urgent care, he got a Rx that his dad would pick up for him on Sunday. I stop by and say “you should probably call your dad to get the Rx” and he literally raged out of nowhere after being calm and talking to me sweetly for half an hour, started screaming at me to leave his house. I said “what’s your problem” the response was of course “you’re my problem, you’re my only problem in life, get out!” and stormed out of his bedroom.

There was no doubt in my mind at that point that this person is A. mentally ill and B. had to be on drugs again. I stared at his phone. I know you will all tell me I shouldn’t have done this but I grabbed it and left as he asked me too. I had been down this road so many times but my heart still sank. Of course there were texts about buying drugs. There were calls in and out of his phone the times he lied and told me he was in bed or not feeling well the entire time he knew I was caring for a dying family member. I was so sick to my stomach. Apparently he’s been popping Adderall and Xanax again, high doses of both.

I’m so sorry for writing a novel and feel I’m all over the place but this behavior is just so cruel, so vicious, so manipulating, so unreal. I even told my mom when I fessed up to her what happened that I just couldn’t actually believe that a person would know what their significant other is going through trying to defend them to their family and pretending to be off drugs and making plans with their family members only to be lying to my face the entire time! This is horrible. I feel so embarrassed. How does a human being behave like this? How? How does someone look you in the eyes and lie and then the next second turn on you and make you feel like you are nothing, blame everything on you, rage at you, and treat you so viciously?