I'm sorry that you are dealing with the teenaged trials. It's tough under the best of circumstances.
If I could go back and do it again......I would try to do a better job of establishing my boundaries, not saying something unless I absolutely mean it, and staying calm. Our kids really know how to push our buttons.......now if we could just disengage when they do that. But they seem to use "weapons" (words and deeds) that we are just not prepared to deal with. 20/20 hindsight is so powerful but useless in so many ways.....when I think back on it.....I know I did the best that I was able. My son was a "handful" and then some. Trying to exert some control was difficult at best.
My XAH was usually working against me. There was seldom a sense of cooperation.....I'm sure I was partially to blame for some of it though. It's difficult, if not impossible, to co-parent with someone in active addiction. The games crop up and it's hard not to get sucked in to them. It's good that you're going to meetings. I believe they will help you with the situation with your son too.
gentle hugs of support
ke