Lara, what does the life look like that you want? If you ignore all longings you have right now?
I am sure your first prize would be an addiction-free life with H, but that is not going to happen, it seems.
Do you want a happy life with a future where each day can be joyful and free?
Or do you want a life where you are sharing the prison of addiction with H?
Your choice this morning will take you a step in one direction.