Hi GG
I am sorry you are in such pain. I too can relate to your situation. My XAH was unfaithful in our marriage. It was one thing to deal with addiction.....I could support him in recovery efforts etc...however when his infidelity was revealed it was as if I had the life punched out of me. I never experienced such deep raw pain.
I am a Christian as well and struggled for many months trying to seek God's will for me and my life. I had many meetings with the director of faith formation in my church. She taught me to be quiet and listen for God's whisper. I prayed and talked to God constantly (some days sobbing on my bathroom floor so my kids wouldn't hear or see me). I begged God to show me the way. Slowly and little by little I could hear God's whispers.....I could hear the Holy Spirit gently pointing me in the right direction. I was SO scared!! How could I do this alone, the house, the kids, finances etc....
I still am hurting from the loss of my marriage the loss of the dream. However when I look back at the past 3 years I am amazed at how my life is turning out. All those fears all the things that kept be frozen somehow worked themselves out. I was so sick it is a miracle I survived. The only way to explain my survival is but for the grace of God. He carried me day by day hour by hour. Trust your gut (I always fight it) and know that God will carry YOU too. He hears your cries feels your pain......and he will lead you through the storm. It is hard but try to listen for his whisper. Trust him and trust yourself. He has good plans for you! I will keep you in my prayers.