The title of your post talks about control. And I think that that's insightful. You're trying so hard to control everything. And I recognize so much of it.
I left my A, but the need to control things remained with me. I'm working on it. And freaky as it may sound, "giving up control" is really a relief. Because it really isn't changing anything but your attitude. It's more an issue of realizing you didn't have any control in the first place.
What I found is that when I attempt to control other people's actions, or control relationships, is that I'm really not treating the other person with respect, like an equal, like an adult. I'm taking almost a parent role towards them -- you know, an "I know better than you do" position?
For me, it's more convenient to tell other people what to do than to deal with my own emotions. I can feel caring and loving and needed (that's my "drug") and stepping back and letting things be means I don't feel needed anymore. It's just me, myself, and my feelings sort of poking me on the shoulder saying, "Um, 'scuse me? A minute?"