Lara, I don't think your problem is telling him, I think it is just hard for "you" to go and stay no contact...all this said with respect.
The madness won't end until you say it ends. And it doesn't end when you step back into the arena.
It's not easy to detach, but the alternative is to stay stuck on the same place, the same pain, and the same madness over and over.
My life didn't change until "I" changed. It wasn't easy but for me, the alternative was to die trying.
Hugs