Hi lcakes - welcome
I was a drinker and drug taker for the best part of 30 years. The party life defined me.
It also damn near killed me.
Other things define me now - peace, serenity, meaning, purpose.
And somehow I still manage to have fun...
I can remember being out on the party scene for days and yet having these moments of crushing, empty loneliness, unhappiness and despair...
I'm happy now for the first time in my adult life - maybe becuase the happiness comes from within and I'm not trying desperately to find it outside?
I know giving up is scary, terrifying even....but you obviously have good reason for considering it and for coming here....
Give it a chance - none of us here would be in recovery if we felt we were losing out on the deal
D