Holy cow, I could have written that exact same thing a few years ago. Exactly (except for the father part). The writer's thing too - I used that as one of my tools in my rationalizing / romanticizing repertoire.
Your bottom can go as far as you want it to go. You just have to stop digging and get out. Many of us lose a lot more before we get to the realization that you have gotten to. It's up to you whether you want to move forward, or move downward.
I had the fear of quitting too - what would happen to me? How would I live without booze? Who would I be? It's a scary prospect. But so is dying an alcoholic death, and they are never pretty.
Have you looked into a program of recovery?