The last straw
SR friends thanks so much for the feedback - I have kept it closer to my heart.
I now live by myself in a very peaceful place. More expensive than I would like but it is worth it.
I went to the old place to get my deposit back. The ex roomies said they would give me less, for cleaning the room (I left it clean and the amount they discounted was worth the clean up of the whole house. I was not even there for the most part.) They also said they would discount another fraction for a kitchen utensil I broke. I was shocked, I barely cooked anything and I swear I had not even seen that utensil before. I said I had not break it and they answered I had been the only one in the house. (Not true, a roomie's mom and the cleaning lady have been there too, not to mention lots of guests for their parties..)
Then they asked if I had a blanket.. right, as if I would steal things from them...
I was just insulted and felt very angry and vulnerable. In fact they owed me some extra money and I totally forgot to ask for it!! sheesh.
I feel I might have been an abusive feudal landlord in another life and now I am paying back. Why canīt I leave a place peacefully??
I decided fighting for that money was not worth it but mentioned they were basically stealing and that I did not agree with that 'arrangement'. And that if I had broke anything I would have told them.
Things did not go well. I left ASAP.
I got upset and noticed it was not only this situation but ALL the times I have felt unprotected/vulnerable/ignored/criticized/unsupported, in summary.
That is what a therapist told me before, that what I need in this life is to feel PROTECTED.
Anyway I decided to feel the feelings and cried all I needed.
Today its a new day and I feel better. Grateful to have my own place. I gave the whole situation, and myself, to HP, and asked to be guided to be a better person and learn from my mistakes...
Thanks for letting me share