Maybe OT Not sure if I am overreacting

Old 10-23-2012, 06:51 AM
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Thumbs down Maybe OT Not sure if I am overreacting

Hi SR friends

Quick summary

I was glad to finally buy my own place, then I was offered a relatively good job and I was in desperate need of $$. The only problem is that it was in a different state.

Anyway, I moved, with the idea to go back to my own place and city at some point in the future. There I go looking for a new place to live in.
I am renting a room with a couple, she is German--

Red flags:

When I first arrived I asked for a glass of water and they did answer "we have no water but we have beer!" and offered me a beer. It was Monday night. I thought they were joking.. they were not.

When they had a welcoming party (they moved in recently as well) someone asked the woman what to serve guests that don't drink.. she answered "if someone does not drink he is not welcome in my home"

Also kind of "joking"



Long story short, on Sunday I drove from my home city to here and took my car with me & my schedule changed so now I wake up at 5AM to start my shift at 6 AM. Yesterday in the afternoon I was obviously exhausted, I started getting asleep then the roomies come home and start a small party for themselves with games & loud music.

I remembered how it was with XABF and at least felt grateful these people are not my family. I mean, they are functional, but I see way too many beer or alcohol bottles for people around 25/30. It is the woman's birthday today so they were "celebrating".

I sent her a message telling her our roomie situation was not going to work as now I need to sleep very early. And well, its their home, I am not going to ask them not to make noise after 9pm because I am the one that has to wake up early.

She answered apologetically around midnight saying she had not seen her mobile, that they didn't know I was there and that I should have gone personally to ask them to get the music down.


Am I overreacting for wishing to leave ASAP? My contract was a short one and supposedly ends in January. They are leaving for 3 weeks in December and I had hoped to spend some time with my mom over there.

Another item is the mattress - its the worst bed ever. Used and in bad conditions...the bottom is too hard and irregular, with the top way too weak, without support. I woke up with a nasty pain in the neck & back. I would prefer to put my sleeping bag and sleep on the floor tonight.


I was so frustrated I cried yesterday.. I just want a peaceful place to rest.
I have to drive in a highway while its still very dark, I work in IT at a bank.. I need my sleep.

Now I got 3 options

1 Stay & suck it up.

2 Ask someone I know if I can stay at her place -she is a friend's mom-, temporarily perhaps, not sure. This option is cheaper & I might be able to move out soon.

3 Look for a place by myself with the advantage that there is a greater chance for peace and maybe I could bring my cats with me.

The disadvantage of option 3 being it will cost $$ and I most certainly will have to ask my mom for help and I already owe her.
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:12 AM
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Run, babieee... your gut is sending you loud and clear signals!

Go find a place that will give you PEACE in your life.

Don't twist yourself into a pretzel trying to change the message your gut is giving you.

CLMI
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:22 AM
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Thank you catlovermi.

They are "nice" but well ---given the history, I can see they are "party people", to say the least.

My goal for year 2013 is not to experience abuse in any way, to REALLY take care of myself. 2 days in a row that I sleep 4 hours this is not sustainable.

Thanks, thanks for your support.
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:25 AM
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Before this, I had told the roomie that I would cook pasta for her birthday. (Before this, we were getting along fine)

Now I don't want to.
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:52 AM
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Just here to give you support in your codie recovery, trying not to scream what to do (admittedly there is a stark opinion I stated, above).

But, truly nice people CONSIDER THE OTHER PARTY in a two-party relationship. They don't always have the same values, or opinions, but they will consider and respect the other's side. This is not reflected in your original post. Your niggling doubt was correct red flags.

It is entirely healthy to re-assess a situation when significant new data that contradicts the original assessment becomes available.

Sending support - good art comes from fluidity, you won't get fluidity from being stressed all the time and going against your gut! I think you have talent and talent benefits from protection and growth.

CLMI
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Old 10-23-2012, 02:58 PM
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Hey Girl

The question isn't are you over reacting, the question is what kind of living situation do I want?

Why would you stay in this environment? What does it offer you? Take out emotion and be realistic and true to yourself. Create boundaries and a life that you LOVE so that you feel liike this


every morning.

love, transformie
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:21 PM
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Am I overreacting for wishing to leave ASAP?
I don't know. I would want to leave yesterday.
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:39 PM
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TC-

Your post hurt my heart. It feels like something I have done so often. I see and can verbalize reality, but then feel like there is something wrong with me if I can't make it nice, kind or what another person wants....then fantasy takes over.

I know it is hard, but I commend you for allowing such a great lesson to come into your life.
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:53 PM
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Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
Hey Girl

The question isn't are you over reacting, the question is what kind of living situation do I want?
I agree that this is the real issue. Doesn't matter if its drinking, or roommates who were serious nose pickers. They exhibit a trait that makes you uncomfortable.
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Old 10-24-2012, 02:47 PM
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And if they swish those fingers in your beer early in the morning, well you know they're special ...

Hope you find a good solution!
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Old 10-29-2012, 10:41 AM
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How you doing Honey???? I'll go look for more updates from you
hugs!
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Old 10-30-2012, 01:03 PM
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Thanks SR friends
Well, last week?

The couple had a party on Monday. I sent a message to the woman telling her this setup was not going to work. Nothing happened. Next at 2 am she said "oh sorry for the noise, we thought you were sleeping somewhere else!" (where??).

On Tuesday it was her birthday and the man told me "we will have a surprise party, but I swear its only the birthday cake, then we will leave! join us!". Of course the party lasted for a long time... and no, I did not feel like joining drunks...

On THU the man went away due to work and the woman arrived home at around 4AM superdrunk and with some other (male)friends.


Tomorrow, payday, I will know for sure if I can afford moving out sooner than I expected. I hope so. A plan B would be to pay for a cheaper room elsewhere, in the mid time, until I can rent my own place (and bring my cats with me)!

Gladly, I spent last weekend with my mom, she came to visit me and we spent a good weekend in a hotel downtown.


I am trying to be grateful as drunks and disrespectful people overall, are just passing characters in my day or nowadays, I am not emotionally invested, they are NOT part of MY family....
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Old 10-30-2012, 01:17 PM
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I think it was WED morning when I woke up and I overheard some snoring... which was weird.

I go downstairs and it was a drunk sleeping on the coach....

And I wonder why I have had flashbacks lately


PS The house still has confetti and balloons; yesterday I tried to cook and some empty six packs were on the way. Sad but I hope to be away soon..
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Old 11-29-2012, 07:18 AM
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Apparently, I don't party enough, so they kicked me out LOL



Yesterday this story had a surreal twist I couldn't wait to share here.



I arrive home and the German roomie asks me if we can talk. I say yes and wonder (did I miss a payment? did I break something?)

She tells me that 'our lifestyles' are too different and that they don't want to extend the contract (ends in January). I tell her I also planned to move out, mainly due to my pets, and plan to leave a month earlier, before the New Year.

Apparently they wanted someone to party with and I did not fit that role

In 2 months I have been there ONE weekend! the rest of them I have been away. I told her that I sleep there 3 nights and that, for instance this week, they have Thu, Fri and Sat to party all they want... and she said that was the problem, that I was almost never home and they were looking for a "friend" not only a "roomie"...

At that point I am like "hmmm I work and I study and I had social commitments this month and I am trying to have a life??"

She said that they also travel during weekends and the parties they want to have are daily, because they just love people and they feel bad because I am not there with them and am upstairs trying to sleep so they can't "be themselves". She explained she works one hour a day and can sleep whenever she wants, and her boyfriend is able to sleep 3 hours only, so they had issues with my need of 8 hours of sleep LOL


(The first party they had? I was indeed there trying not to isolate and they did not introduce me to anyone, so that was not exactly a welcoming atmosphere!)


Another thing is that they only have one car, so often, the German is stranded in the house in the middle of nowhere. So they were looking for a company lady/entertainer for her...
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Old 11-29-2012, 07:29 AM
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After these "news" we talked all afternoon.. we prepared cookies and I helped her prepare for an interview in Spanish... we are in good terms, at least.



I can't believe the first part of the conversation, still dumbfounded
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Old 01-08-2013, 11:32 AM
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The last straw

SR friends thanks so much for the feedback - I have kept it closer to my heart.

I now live by myself in a very peaceful place. More expensive than I would like but it is worth it.

I went to the old place to get my deposit back. The ex roomies said they would give me less, for cleaning the room (I left it clean and the amount they discounted was worth the clean up of the whole house. I was not even there for the most part.) They also said they would discount another fraction for a kitchen utensil I broke. I was shocked, I barely cooked anything and I swear I had not even seen that utensil before. I said I had not break it and they answered I had been the only one in the house. (Not true, a roomie's mom and the cleaning lady have been there too, not to mention lots of guests for their parties..)

Then they asked if I had a blanket.. right, as if I would steal things from them...

I was just insulted and felt very angry and vulnerable. In fact they owed me some extra money and I totally forgot to ask for it!! sheesh.

I feel I might have been an abusive feudal landlord in another life and now I am paying back. Why canīt I leave a place peacefully??

I decided fighting for that money was not worth it but mentioned they were basically stealing and that I did not agree with that 'arrangement'. And that if I had broke anything I would have told them.

Things did not go well. I left ASAP.



I got upset and noticed it was not only this situation but ALL the times I have felt unprotected/vulnerable/ignored/criticized/unsupported, in summary.

That is what a therapist told me before, that what I need in this life is to feel PROTECTED.


Anyway I decided to feel the feelings and cried all I needed.

Today its a new day and I feel better. Grateful to have my own place. I gave the whole situation, and myself, to HP, and asked to be guided to be a better person and learn from my mistakes...

Thanks for letting me share
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Old 01-08-2013, 11:59 AM
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a POX on them both! glad you are happy and calm. with the fur-kids!
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Old 01-08-2013, 01:38 PM
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Fandy
Thanks a lot for your help. Really, its priceless. I already feel more relaxed and people have told me my expression changed.

As anvilhead said, a home is supposed to be a sanctuary.
I hope I can get an artistīs wood table soon ! and an internet connection.

Thatīs all I need.

Haha Pox. I was thinking, perhaps things ending 'badly' is a good sign ? Before, in my total codie mode, I would have said ' haha! fine ! take whatever you need! in fact, take it ALL! PLEASE be my friend '

So for someone who never expressed any anger or anything at all maybe its good news I am getting angry when boundaries are trespassed. I am new to this boundary thing. Hopefully in the future I will be more calm and rational. Or better, I donīt have to interact with similar characters anymore....
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:05 PM
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I would look for an alternative rather than stay.
Peace & serenity are important to you.
Sorry it worked out like that for you.
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Old 01-08-2013, 02:15 PM
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Yes Rosiepetal, thanks, I already moved out and am much happier.. just a few more bucks, and all the difference between a cold room in a house with drunks and now a house for myself as calm as one can be in a urban environment, 5min. from my work.
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