Threshold

Hmmm...I was right behind you until I read this, and I may be misreading it but when you say "risking" your marriage...I start to wondering if this plan is a sort of manipulation/ultimatum tool. Are you totally and fully prepared to end the marriage if she chooses to continue to support her son's addictions?

Think carefully. If you are not totally and fully prepared...but are hoping SHE will get scared and choose you...then you can sort of understand where she is with saying yes she agrees to your plan, but then when the boys "need" her...Follow through isn't always easy. Sometimes when we make the agreement, we are SURE we will never be put in the position of actually choosing, etc etc.

Whenever we make our move contingent on the choice of another it bears closer inspection.

It sounds like your wife, and perhaps you as well could benefit from Al-anon, Nar-anon or some other group or counseling on the issue of codependency.

It is fine to CHOOSE to stay involved with our addicts, and support their habit if we care to, but sometimes we need some perspective to understand the dynamic before we can make and educated choice.

I can totally understand why you have no interest in supporting someone else's drug habit.