Sanity2012,
Thank you for your post. I feel fortunate in a way that I was only living/dating my e-abf. Had I gone into a marriage with him I would have been stuck in his chaos, the violent outburst, and non-stop drinking until the day I woke up to say it’s not okay. I still hurt and today I work up sad again.
During our last 8 months together my Mom got terminally ill. I thought he’d be there for me but like your husband he was not. 4 months in the ICU siting there by myself praying my Mom would make it through my e-abf made my life a living hell. I’m lucky though; my Mom lived and is now better. I don’t know how many more years I have with her but I’m thankful she lived.
I was in denial the whole time my e-abf and I were together. I just couldn’t see why he needed to drink, or why when he didn’t drink he would shake the way he did. I had never encountered an alcoholic before and after what I have lived/witnessed I will never be with one again. The pain has been too much, I feel like I’ve been at war and now living the aftermath of destruction left from the battle.
Glad you’re on SR and your post helped me this am to know I’m not alone. I will always wonder if he’d been sober would we have continued and grown into a wonderful relationship or not. I miss him terribly or I should say what I miss is only a few hours a day I had with him prior to drinking. Sad to think I craved a few hours a day and thought that would be acceptable, thank goodness I know better now!