YES YES AND YES!!! The wave of emotions over my EXRABF go easy for awhile then I get a pang in my stomach and miss him terribly (the good qualities about him and everyone has some good ones). Like many of you said I miss the "what if, the if only, the maybe, and all the other fantasy thinking.
When I get these pangs like I did two days ago, I'm reminded to visit this forum; continue to read and work with my Therapist. In those moments I remind my self that IF he was to ________(fill in the blank) for real THIS TIME, then I would know by his actions somehow. The Universe has a way of letting us know.
I also remind my self that all of those hurtful attributes (selfish, short tempered, impatient, mean, doesn't keep promises or commitments) didn't get all that much better after a year of sobriety, daily AA meetings, sponsor, therapist, psyche, and Meds. The chances of those DEAL BREAKERS (for me) drastically changing in him at 48 years old is highly unlikely.
This way of clear, factual thinking helps me get out of fantasy land and puts my feet back on the ground. When all of that isn't enough a good cry works too.