Oh yeah, me too. We have been separated for getting close to 2 years now and I still have occasional relapses. As TG said they aren't near as often or near as bad. I can't say I miss the way it was but I sometimes miss the way it could have been. Or at least the way I think it could have been.
Damn that magical thinking.
Said, hang in there and work your program. It does get better.
The other thing I saw in your post was others tell you how good your recovery looks but it doesn't seem that way to you. In my case I was much better at seeing others progress but not my own. That too gets better. At some point I had a simple moment when I realized how much better I was. It wasn't anything earth shaking but it hit me that this recovery stuff really does work.
Your friend,